Dear Younger Self,
You don’t know what the world is like outside of your subdivision, books, and imaginary tea parties. You go to sleep each night fearful of the darkness. That fear will never change, you will just learn what darkness is good and what is bad.
Skeeter keeps you company, her inky black fur leaves trails in the carpet. Specks of herself that mom will have to vacuum. You fall asleep with her in your arms, whiskers tickle your cheeks. Her purr is loud but her snoring is louder. You love her too much because she is your first love.
I wanted to write to you because its International Women’s day and I was thinking of you, proud of how far we’ve come. Your ability to see the world in a magical way hasn’t changed. You still will loose yourself in your books, escape for moments at a time. Your love for art will blossom, you will manifest your visions through writing, painting, and photography. You’ve always had the patience to see what others don’t. You will grow into a courageous, unapologetic, and compassionate woman. A warrior in the core and a queen at heart.
You are going to cry a lot, become scared and angry. In elementary school through high school you are going to be bullied. Teased for being someone original, organic, unfiltered. You will learn to hate your body in middle school. Pull and pinch at skin and fat. You will hate your curves and never feel like a true women because your breast will always be small. Eating disorders and depression are going to drag you down, like anchors, pull you into the darkness that you fear.
I want you to know that you are strong and beautiful. You are capable of greatness not because you look a certain way but because you think, act, and speak and certain way. Do not compare, do not judge, do not hate. Choose to empower, choose to love, choose health. This shadowed journey is going to make you who you are, it’s going to fuel your passions. It won’t get easier but you will get stronger.
You are going to meet a lot of shitty guys. But they are going to teach you to value yourself, to not settle!
You will get tattoos, one without permission, but the others with consent from your parents. It’s going to hurt like hell, but you will always cherish them.
You will fall in love with a boy named Brandon. Trust me, he’s the one. Be kind to him, be honest with him, and never let him go. His family will embrace you and empower you. Love them, laugh with them, and teach them to talk more at dinner!
You are going to experience loss. Truly deep heartbreak. Skeeter is going to pass away in your arms. You are going to scream, cry, and become numb. She is a soul mate that taught you what love was. She isn’t here anymore but you still talk to her sometimes.
Kaity, Emma, and Amy are going to grow up and be amazing women. Kaity may have broken your arm more than you’d like to count, but she will soften into a leader. Emma may be messy, but she will become crazy brilliant! Amy may be far away but she is going to teach the world compassion.
Mom is never going to stop being a clean freak and you will never stop being disorganized. She is still taking care of the family, taking walks, having us watch old tv shows. Dad is never going to stop working, laughing, and making terrible jokes. They are going to miss you a lot when you move away, keep in touch with them, be grateful.
You are going to graduate college! You are going to learn to love school, trust me, you will miss it. Never give up or think you’re not smart enough because in the end you graduate with honors.
You will learn to love yourself, strengthen your spirituality, and gain confidence. You will go on to create amazing blogs, become yoga inspired, and a lover of food.
You and Brandon are going to travel to Hawaii and move in together. A small apartment in Chicago, with two baby bunnies and a view of the city. Don’t take it for granted, savor ever moment of it.
There is a lot more that has happened to you and many more memories to come. You may be little now but someday you are going to be 22, ambitious, and unstoppable.